So here goes...
1. Evanescence
Now I can't actually be bothered to go and look up dates but of the albums I'm going to list, apparently they're coming out soon. So yay, I get to go back to my high school days of this sort of music. Instead of having girls who sound like they're dying in my ears, I get one who sounds like she wants to murder you or at the very least die angrily. Also if any of the previous holiday euphoria (ie hating being alone etc) bubbles through this post exam period I can at least have another similar voice yelling 'you belong to me' so I'm not quite alone. Good shit.
2. West Coast Time - Michelle Branch
Okay I lied. I searched up the name for this album because just having artist name's is pretty boring. So this album was supposed to come out September this year (I only recently found out) but now its slated for 2012. Michelle Branch had those pop rock songs that sustained me before the angst of Kelly Clarkson etc. Looking forward to this as a lighter version of the rara of Evanescence and there are probably happy songs in this too. Oh my.
3. Diablo 3
I didn't even notice I did that... until I did it. Yeah the 3's line up. Whatever. So this is coming out first quarter 2012? Despite me (on and off again) hating video games for the reason that they were made (to put you into a coma and forget about everything), I think I'll definitely get this (so much decisiveness). Well it's been in the making for quite some time and I do remember enjoying the second one quite a bit. The better thing is that you can't really lose to someone else who trash talks you unless you PvP. What better way to release stress than killing demons and shit? I won't say I'm a loser even though I'm thinking it right now.
4. Ceremonials - Florence
This albums supposed to come out soon too. Funny thing with the music I'm listening to. I'm wondering how much of it is stuff I'd normally look and listen to and how much because of the influence of other kids. I feel like some sort of amalgamation. Something mercurial and fake.
I'm sorry.
For what?
I don't know. For being me.
I like her epic music. It's easily yellable while washing dishes. Singing is so fucking cathartic.
On a side note.
I told my sister yesterday I was gay. I cried while saying it too. I've never cried while telling someone. She asked me if I had low self esteem and I said yes. She asked why which prompted me to tell her after.
Don't get this wrong. Don't fucking pity, sympathize or empathize with me about this shit. I get the feeling that half my friendships are from this fucking pity. So while typing this is also cathartic it also works against my purpose seeing as some of you kids read this anyway. This pity covers up the fact that I'm a dickhead and can get away with quite a bit of douchery and not thinking things out properly. I want to get rid of this douchery and think things out more properly.
And so I realized yesterday I still hate myself greatly for being gay. Also she never saw it coming. I'm a fucking ninja. I'll be fucking forever alone.
I'm going to be as cool as smoked salmon. So even if he doesn't respond to me I'll do what every other straight guy would do and not give a fuck. Because it wouldn't matter in the long run anyway. Way to act like a heaps cool mate during the night then afterwards hardly talk to me at all. Way to leave me second guessing if you have the shits with me for something I said or did or not. And so now all I can do is not give a fuck because any other action has got me scared of god knows what.
He's a fucking monster of my own making.
And so.
Damn you for making me not know what to think and allowing you to squat in my mind without paying me anything.
Damn God for making me a homofag and then simultaneously saying it is bad to be one.
Damn myself for not accepting who I am and instead hating.
I look forward to this exam period and even more thoughts of bullshit and rubbish that I shouldn't have.
I don't actually believe this
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