Stuvac2!

So the tree days of hell are over and despite not doing as great as I could have, I'm just glad they're over.

Yesterday was fair good too! After exams we went to play basketball which was pretty fun. I did not feel any self consciousness or whatever which made it a lot better than usual despite playing with the techs who I find slightly off putting (nothing wrong with them, I get that feeling with most guys who seem more socially confident than I am that I don't talk to often). That was a huge bracket thing.

Volleyball was good but we lost all the sets. Ugh. They were close though, like we were at 20 for all 3 of them. Ridiculous. Dunnoes. It would be nice if everyone got more pumped for it I reckon but yeah.

Say it with more confidence dammit.

Some of the optom kiddies use the word gay in a derogatory way. And these are kids who I hang with a lot. I flinch inside when they do.

Had a dream yesterday. The whole bunch of us were sleeping over at Bendy's. There were broke glasses on the tables, and I felt each of the lenses. Luke was there too but he disappeared in the morning.

Thinking of things that will never happen mustn't be good for anyone's wellbeing.

I toyed with the idea of telling Larissa and Simon yesterday at mamak (we ate so much that we all had food babies,amg). What would it change? Then again what would it achieve either. Just another grab at attention/ pity/ understanding/ empathy? You do this kind of thing a lot huh.

This sort of thing shouldn't define me. It should just be an 'oh that's nice' kind of thing. I probably overplay it and feed t to some inflated sense of self worth. Does this make sense?

Now I think I am pretty readable and this annoys me. There is a mental slap whenever I say something silly. Should this annoy me though? I mean its only among cool kids. They won't judge me right? Or something.

Lol I got offered an attic to live in if I never get married. Pretty lol.

A bit more than a week and I'll be free? I have a feeling about it (as I always do)

Oh my inner thighs are so sore from basketball. It's my inner thighs too. I have no idea how that works. But yeah... So sore.

This deserves some music



I can finally somewhat blog from my phone. Have to go through html instead of the normal ui though. How annoying.

I have more stuff I want to talk about !

And so when I get home and have nothing to do while on the computer, I normally want to talk to someone! That's normal yeah? But it seems like my normal avenues of conversation have somewhat dried up. Sure there are kids I'd still normally approach to talk to and its obvious that they're friends but it seems as though I don't really have anyone I click with or can talk to about nothing for an hour or two.

Is there any reprisal in the near future? I'm not so sure either! Optom kids are cool and all but at the moment I don't think there's anyone there I'd become epic close friends with. That's quite a bleak assessment now isn't it? I have this inner paranoia that abdul gets anoyed at me when i talk to him and fail to come up with anything to talk about. Well not annoyed but something. Of course this is baseless rubbish though!

To go on with this stream of consciousness, I wonder if he's told anyone else in optom that I'm gay. I'm still pretty unsure how the other people would react but I guess if they're real friends they won't mind. Then again how long have I actually known them for. There's still plenty of room for a fuck off (or nicer equivalent). Again this is thinking too much on things that won't matter for some time. That is unless I force the situation or something. Probably not a good idea.

Back t the topic at hand, I have a window open right at this moment but I haven't typed anything.

Scratch this. I am talking to someone new now. No need to QQ to take up the rest of tonight.