Here. I. Go.

So I was prompted to think today, what has happened this week?

I actually have no idea unless I look back at the blog posts or something. It's just zipped by and I feel somewhat lost in it all. I don't even know if I'm happy or sad although I think I'm okay.

Listening to Angus and Julia Stone mellows me out quite a bit.

Interesting to note, while I was at forestway before work started and taking a dump this song came on mid squeeze. I found it hilarious almost to the point of laughing. Epic toilet music



I guess that has amused me now for 5 seconds.

Who shall I tell interesting stories to? If something happens that I find noteworthy I'd want to share it and I realize this makes up the majority of what I say to people. It's even better when it's an exchange and they talk back! Now what has this got to do anything? I don't know.

I think there's something wrong with me. There's no way half the things I do are normal.
Sometimes I'll apologize out loud when I think of something that I don't think I should have done.
Sometimes I'll mutter under my breath after doing something stupid or thinking about something that's happened before. YEAH I remember at mpw when that happened and I was like '...fuck' Matt Najui looked at me and went 'did you just mutter under your breath?'
Sometimes I'll feel pretty sad when hearing about things that don't even relate to me or something. Shrug.

Do I have a problem? Quite possibly maybe. But will I do anything about it? Probably not. It feels as though if I didn't have these kinds of things going on I wouldn't really bother to push myself in whatever I do. This might sound incredibly ridiculous but here's what happens in my head. Something along the lines of...

If I don't study I'm going to be stupid. And then If I'm stupid what am I good at? If I'm not good at academics and I'm not good at sport, not really a social person then that makes me worthless.

Now even I recognize that (at least now) that's a stupid way of thinking, but I also think it pushes me.

What else is there?

If I feel like I'm annoying someone, whether or not I am or not, I'll avoid them. This is majorly seen in work. I'll go and figure something out by myself, struggle over many many hours by myself which may tax me quite a bit instead of ask because I don't want to possibly frustrate someone.

This extends to other things. If I don't feel like you ever really want to talk to me, I'll just stop. And that does tax me ridiculously, but I won't talk. I think a few of you know this already. Whatever.

I watch train tracks and think of alternatives to studying. Yeah while typing this I feel incredibly sad for some unknown reason.

I'm waiting for something to scare me into studying. I am not prepared. Why do I do all these things anyway?

It all seems pointless right now. What do I want to do? I don't know. It all seems numb.

I'm coughing and its pissing me off.

This post had no point.

Who do I tell interesting stories to?

Here. I. Go