State

So I think to myself

Can you imagine if that didn't happen six months ago. Would everything be different. Would you be better off now? Less of this rara and more hehe. But you know that you were getting eaten before that. It was corrosive and horrible. You were idle and all you had was that on the inside. Obviously you should have gotten a job to occupy yourself, take your thoughts away from badness and staved away the monster that is nothing. But you didn't. Now you're here.

And then it gets angry. Don't you dare blame it on that. That probably had no bearing at all what so ever. The position you're in now is all of your own consequence. Reap the seeds that you sow(?) bitch. If it weren't for you, none of this would have gotten this far out of hand. Looking at your own past record, it's always your fault.

But you could have said something. But you didn't. You still haven't said anything to anyone and it scares you shitless. You're so weak, but thinking about what would happen would make lots of people quiver. It's not for everyone. Too scared to do anything. All you do is complain half arsedly. At least the people you talk to don't push the point. At least the people you talk to won't stammer, not say anything, and walk away quickly. But who are you to blame for those kind of actions? What else would anyone have done? Confidence mirror. And it was definitely mirrored.

Still, if you remember, it is ouchy. Sometimes you think that place isn't so bad. You don't even notice it half the time. But everytime you're in there, you'll remember. Remember how it destroyed you that day, then weeks on end afterwards, and even now in the corners of your mind. Nibble nibble.

My sister wanted the laptop. My chain of blah is broken.

You wish things were different. You won't get it though. All you can do is go forward. But you also know that that day will come eventually, and I guess it will somewhat test the people you talk to. Not really test, but at least filter. Those you know that will stick, and I guess the others. You'll have to face that possibility.

You'll stay silent when they speak about you. You'll laugh just like everyone else. But you'll think about what others don't. But you'll move forward. What else can you do in this state?

You miss a memory. But it will never come back.

I'll put up fuds pictures next time